PLAYING CATCH-UP

Tomorrow is my first day ‘back to work’

Since having our son last year.

I’m returning to a place and a routine

That I know quite well,

But somehow it feels

Like after COVID,

Maternity leave,

And a year of parenthood’ firsts’…

That even the 'former FAMILIAR'

Has become quite unfamiliar to me.

My life this past year

Has been a marriage of

Planning and organization...

And ‘winging it’.

Of meeting important deadlines,

And straight-up making-it-up as we go along.

Of appointments and applications,

Resignations, and registrations,

Moving countries and learning a new language.

Juxtaposed with

Daily naps and baby food.

Stroller walks and peek-a-boo,

Diaper changes and bedtime stories on repeat.

My brain primarily operates in two modes now:

‘Complex / Important’

And ‘Bringing up Baby’.

*****

How does one slot themselves back into the 'working world', after all that?

I know it’s possible - I’ve certainly seen hundreds of mothers and others do it before me…

But it feels like an overwhelming thing.

Am I too far behind

To step back in where I stepped out?

I’m playing catch-up

To a life I once lived and led,

And a career I once felt I knew well...

Parenthood changes everything.

It challenges your beliefs.

It modifies your motivations.

It makes you question yourself

And your abilities

Over and over and over again.

Will I be forever chasing the back of the pack,

…just trying to stay in this race I once ran?

I must say - I feel a bit tired...

And I haven't even laced up my running shoes.