Tomorrow is my first day ‘back to work’
Since having our son last year.
I’m returning to a place and a routine
That I know quite well,
But somehow it feels
Like after COVID,
Maternity leave,
And a year of parenthood’ firsts’…
That even the 'former FAMILIAR'
Has become quite unfamiliar to me.
My life this past year
Has been a marriage of
Planning and organization...
And ‘winging it’.
Of meeting important deadlines,
And straight-up making-it-up as we go along.
Of appointments and applications,
Resignations, and registrations,
Moving countries and learning a new language.
Juxtaposed with
Daily naps and baby food.
Stroller walks and peek-a-boo,
Diaper changes and bedtime stories on repeat.
My brain primarily operates in two modes now:
‘Complex / Important’
And ‘Bringing up Baby’.
*****
How does one slot themselves back into the 'working world', after all that?
I know it’s possible - I’ve certainly seen hundreds of mothers and others do it before me…
But it feels like an overwhelming thing.
Am I too far behind
To step back in where I stepped out?
I’m playing catch-up
To a life I once lived and led,
And a career I once felt I knew well...
Parenthood changes everything.
It challenges your beliefs.
It modifies your motivations.
It makes you question yourself
And your abilities
Over and over and over again.
Will I be forever chasing the back of the pack,
…just trying to stay in this race I once ran?
I must say - I feel a bit tired...
And I haven't even laced up my running shoes.